How to Create a Values-Based Life
Living Out of Alignment with Your Values and Mental Health
When you’re living a life that feels out of alignment with your values, it’s common to feel less satisfied, less fulfilled, and more disconnected from yourself. Over time, this misalignment can take a toll on both your mental and physical health. When we’re focused solely on getting everything done, it’s easy to move through life in survival mode, checking off boxes on endless, small-orbit to-do lists without ever pausing to ask whether the life we’re building actually fits who we are.
As a therapist, I often notice that clients’ mental health symptoms become increasingly more distressing the further they drift from a life that feels authentic to them. Whether it’s staying in a job that doesn’t feel right because it looks impressive or “worthy” to others, hiding parts of yourself in a relationship because you don’t feel safe being fully seen, or living in constant burnout because you believe you have to do everything, misalignment often fuels anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive symptoms. When our lives don’t reflect our values, our nervous systems are constantly working overtime to compensate.
Identifying Your Core Values and What Truly Matters To You
One of my favorite ways to help clients reconnect with themselves is by asking reflective questions like:
When do you feel most like yourself?
or
When were you most joyful as a child?
I also ask clients to notice what those memories felt like in their bodies.
Did you love building and creating imaginary worlds?
Did you feel alive dancing, moving, or playing outside?
Were your favorite memories centered around family, neighbors, or community?
These questions often reveal what our hearts truly long for, ie more creativity, connection, time in nature, teamwork, or meaningful relationships. Once we identify those longings, the next step becomes figuring out how to invite more of them into everyday life.
Creating Balance Between Work, Relationships, and Emotional Well-Being
Another important area to explore is balance.
In what areas of your life do you feel depleted or out of sync?
Are you working too many hours?
Have you lost touch with the motivators that once inspired you?
Are you so focused on caring for others that there’s little room left for yourself, or
Are external pressures pulling you away from the people you value most?
Creating a wellness wheel that looks at different areas of life, such as work, relationships, rest, creativity, and health, can help clarify where imbalance exists and where you’d like to shift your focus. From there, set realistic goals to nourish these areas once or twice a week and intentionally build them into your routine. Let those priorities come first, and allow your to-do list to follow.
Making Small, Intentional Changes to Live in Alignment
You’ll know you’re living more in alignment with your values when you begin to feel more motivated, at ease, and “in the flow.” This doesn’t mean stress disappears, but it does mean there’s more purpose and more outlets that help you feel like yourself.
You might be reading this and thinking, This sounds great, but I can’t change my job right now . And that may very well be true. While some situations do require larger shifts, alignment is often built through small, intentional changes that create momentum. Could you schedule a few more meetings in person to foster human connection? Is there room to advocate for more creative or meaningful work within your current role? Re-aligning often involves some discomfort, whether the changes are small or significant, but that discomfort is frequently a sign of growth. Over time, these intentional shifts tend to support greater balance, resilience, and overall functioning.
Re-aligning Your Life with Your Values Over Time
Whether the pressure comes from unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves or perceived expectations from others, it’s easy to slowly shape a life that no longer feels congruent with who we are. Re-alignment begins with awareness, and grows through small, intentional choices that honor what truly matters to you.
