I want to say something first, because I think it matters more than the label itself: not everyone who runs this pattern is a narcissist. Sometimes it's unresolved trauma, playing out on a loop the person doesn't even see. It's not always conscious. But whether it's intentional or not, the pattern is the pattern, and learning to recognize it is what protects you instead of focusing on figuring out the "why" behind someone else's behavior and choices

So let's talk about the cycle.

The Cycle Of Narcissistic Abuse

It starts with IDEALIZATION.

The love bombing. The attention that feels like it was made for you, the mirroring, the intensity that moves you from strangers to soulmates in what feels like no time at all. It feels incredible. That's the point.

Then comes DEVALUATION.

The shift is rarely dramatic at first. A little criticism here. A little withdrawal there. Comparisons. Playing the victim. Selective “forgetting” what matters to you. Tests you didn't know you were taking. Maybe its something big like infidelity, or maybe its subtle enough that you explain it away - they're stressed, you did do something wrong, you're overreacting. You start questioning your own perception of reality, but by now your are hooked and feeling desperate for their love.

Then, DISCARD.

And here's the part I think gets missed the most: it's easy for them to leave because the roots were never actually deep. What felt like intimacy wasn't real intimacy, not on their end, anyway. It may have been real for you. That's what makes it so disorienting. You were building something with real soil and real roots, and they were building something that could be pulled up in an afternoon. When they don't get their way, there's nothing holding them there, so they go.

And then, often, the HOOVER.

They come back. Not necessarily because they missed you, but because the dynamic isn't finished yet. And it works, because it re-triggers everything from stage one.

Can people change?

Maybe - if the pattern comes from trauma and not from something more fixed, there can be real growth. But remember: a relationship can only be as healthy as the least healthy person in it. Someone else's healing work doesn't happen for you, and it doesn't happen on your timeline. You are not responsible for carrying a relationship's health by yourself.

Which brings me to the part I actually think matters most.

Claire received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from the University of Tennessee, Knoxville. During her master’s program, she worked with college students and young adults on a variety of topics including body image, disordered eating, family and relationship challenges, trauma, anxiety, depression, and life transitions. Claire uses a person-centered approach to counseling and focuses on creating a genuine connection with clients, understanding their unique life experiences, and being a companion on their path to healing and finding peace. She believes that with adequate support, all people have the capacity to grow and become more fully themselves. Claire’s practice is trauma-informed and she attends to clients’ unique cultural identities in the counseling space. She lives in Charleston and enjoys music, reading, traveling, and quality time with loved ones.

About Me:

What's your professional background?

I worked in the corporate world for several years before changing careers and going back to school to pursue a counseling degree. I have mostly worked with young adults on a college campus, but I look forward to working with people of all ages and backgrounds as I continue in my career.

What do you love about your work?

I love understanding each client’s unique story. I greatly appreciate the strength and vulnerability it takes to come to counseling and do my best to honor that effort with compassion and commitment to the counselor-client relationship.

What drew you to becoming a therapist?

Going to counseling when I was younger was very impactful in my life. Since that experience, I have felt inspired to support others in the same way that I was supported, and to share the hope that things can get better.

What’s your specialty?

I work with clients experiencing many different challenges, but I have a special interest in working with clients with body image concerns, disordered eating habits, and relational challenges.

What’s your treatment style?

It is a collaborative approach based on empathic listening and building a genuine therapeutic relationship. I provide a nonjudgmental space and together my clients and I decide what would be most helpful for them during our time together.

Most likely to discuss during a treatment?

Interpersonal relationships. We are relational beings, and I believe that the relationships in our lives, both past and present, can impact how we see ourselves and how we cope with our life experiences. 

Hobbies outside of work?

I love reading, going to concerts, exercising, and traveling.

What is your favorite self-care practice/coping skills?

Going on walks, pilates, breathwork, and intentional time spent with friends and family. 

Choosing between couples therapy and individual therapy is a deeply personal decision that depends on your unique circumstances and goals. Both forms of therapy offer valuable benefits, and in some cases, a combination of both may be the most effective approach. The key is to assess your needs honestly and communicate openly with your partner (if applicable) about the best path forward. Remember, seeking therapy is a positive step toward healing, growth, and a healthier future, whether you do it together or individually.

What’s your speciality?

I enjoy working with a wide range of clients and addressing various issues. However, I specialize in relational issues. I’m particularly interested in helping individuals and couples navigate relationship dynamics, improve communication, and resolve conflicts. My focus on relational issues allows me to provide tailored support for those looking to strengthen their connections and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.